Understand your spouse well enough to propose deals they can actually accept.
The fastest, least expensive separations are the ones where both people feel heard. OkayDivorce's Know Your Counterpart helps you understand what your spouse actually needs — so you stop proposing deals they'll reject and start proposing deals that settle.
The deals that settle are the ones your spouse can live with.
Most people negotiate from their own anxieties, not their spouse's actual priorities. The result is deals that get rejected, escalation, and $30,000 in extra legal fees nobody planned for.
The fastest way to settle is to propose deals your spouse can live with. That requires understanding what they actually care about — which is harder than it sounds when you're emotionally flooded.
This is mediation thinking, not tactical thinking. Trained mediators do exactly this work before bringing parties together. OkayDivorce gives you the same framework.
A structured, private profile.
- Their stated priorities — What your spouse has actually said matters to them, in their own words.
- Their likely deeper concerns — What they're worried about underneath.
- Their communication style under stress — How they show up when the temperature rises.
- Their support system — Who they're listening to right now.
- The relationship history that's still shaping how they see the separation — The constraints a good deal has to honour.
Actionable insight, not a dossier.
Likely deal acceptance read
For any proposal you're considering, an honest read on how they'll receive it.
Personalised conversation prep
Prepare for significant talks based on who they are, not who you wish they were.
Context-aware AI Counsel
AI Counsel answers your questions knowing who your spouse is.
Suggested deal structures
Frameworks tailored to their priorities, not generic templates.
Mistake flags
When something you're considering is likely to blow up, the tool tells you before you say it.
Sam, 38, marketing director, two kids.
A worked example of what a completed profile looks like.
Their stated priorities
- "The kids need to stay in their schools. I'm not moving them mid-year."
- "I'm not going to court. I cannot do that to our family."
- "I need to know I'll be okay financially. I haven't worked full-time in six years."
- "I don't want this to be ugly. Whatever happens, we have to be able to be in the same room at their graduations."
Their likely deeper concerns
- — Whether they can re-enter their career at the level they left it
- — Being seen by their parents as having failed
- — The kids resenting them if the household changes too much
- — Whether you'll actually show up as a present co-parent
Communication style
Withdraws under stress, then re-engages once they've processed alone. Anxious about money, intimidated by the legal system. Negotiates best in the morning. Defensive about parenting decisions; open to discussing logistics calmly.
Likely deal acceptance map
Proposing immediate sale of the house
Likely rejection — they've stated stability for the kids as their top priority. This proposal reads as putting your liquidity ahead of the kids' stability.
Proposing 50/50 parenting time starting immediately
Likely pushback — they'll question whether you can actually sustain it given your travel schedule. Frame as a graduated ramp instead.
Proposing they stay in the house with the kids for 24 months, with a spousal support floor you both pre-agree
Likely acceptance — addresses their two top stated priorities (kids' stability, financial certainty) in one structure. Most likely to settle without litigation.
A suggested deal structure
Structure: Two-year stabilisation agreement. Your spouse and the kids remain in the matrimonial home for 24 months at a pre-agreed cost split, with a spousal support floor indexed to inflation. Parenting time ramps from 35/65 to 50/50 over six months. Sale of the house is deferred and decided at the 24-month review.
Why it might land: It protects the two things they have said matter most — the kids' stability and their financial certainty — without permanently locking either of you in. The graduated parenting ramp also addresses their unspoken concern about whether you'll actually show up.
Example only. Sam is fictional. Your actual profile is private to you.
This is not a manipulation tool.
Know Your Counterpart is built for people who want a fair deal without three years of litigation. It is a mediation tool. Better proposals settle faster, cost less in legal fees, and protect the relationship you'll still have as co-parents long after the divorce is final.
If you're looking for a tool to outmaneuver or trick your spouse, this isn't it — and we'd encourage you to talk to a coach about why you're in that headspace before you negotiate anything.
Start your free profile.
Sections 1 and 2 are free. The full profile, deal acceptance map, and mistake flags are part of the OkayDivorce Membership.
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